Domina Dea Speaks

Yes, it truly is!

Moving SUCKS!  I’ve spent the better part of this week, in between sessions, getting my new place settled.  I have far too much “stuff”.  Leading up to the move I took three car loads to the Salvation Army and this week I took another two loads.  I thew four HUGE garbage bags away prior and another FOUR this week.  Moving makes you really take inventory of your stuff, what you keep and why.  It was s good purge.  All the boxes are empty, the closets full, everything in its new place.  My biggest challenge now is to remember where I put things when I actually need them.

The new & improved Second Circle Studio is in place and I’ve had a few sessions.  I’m still working on the layout of everything.  I used to know where everything was and could blindly reach and grab, without a second thought, any toy I wished.  Not so much these days, but it won’t be long before I have that worked out.  Of course it would help if I stopped rearranging things.  All in all I think my special pets are going to love the new location and the new Studio.

I love my new place, it’s home, and I don’t plan to leave it for a good, long, while.  This place is full of love, the love of good friends that gave their time and talent to make it MY home.  Tonight I’m hosting a house warming party to thank the wonderful people that made it possible, I’m looking forward to honoring them for all they have done to honor me.

Life is good.  Very, very, good.

xoxox

Dea

Moving Party

Happy New Year!

As you know, it seemed that my year ended on a low note when I lost the lease on my space, but, it turned into a wonderful blessing.  2009 really was an amazing year for me, 2010 will be even better~

On Saturday 25 amazing friends showed up in below freezing weather to move me into my new live/work space.  But, before that could happen the new space had to be renovated and made into a livable space.  This meant building out a space for my new studio, gutting and rebuilding the bathroom from the top down, converting what was once a darkroom into a laundry room/walk in closet, running what at times seemed like miles of electrical, setting tile and painting.   Typically one could expect a job of this caliber to take about 8-12 weeks to accomplish under normal circumstances, but thanks to Jeff, my wonderful friend and contractor, we managed to get it all done in four short weeks.  FOUR WEEKS, during the holidays to boot!  It was also made possible, to quote Margret,  with a “fucktonne of man hours”!  Not only did we (Jeff, Elaine & I) work 12-15 hour days, it wasn’t unusual to find a number of members of the lifestyle community here pitching in with their time and talent.  They gave up their nights, their weekends, their vacations, to be here creating a beautiful new home and studio for me.  Who does that?  We do, people who love, respect and support each other do that sort of thing for each other.

I am an incredibly blessed woman.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am loved.

I’ve spent the last few days getting settled into my new space.  I LOVE the new studio, it’s larger and more user friendly and has some cool new features I didn’t have at the other place.  I’m ready to get back to work.  I look forward to seeing you soon, come experience the new space.  I love it, I think you will too!

Dea

What a busy week!  Wednesday I was blessed with the company of a few lovely women who helped me start the long, slow, process of packing.  We started by packing some of the nonessential items in the loft.  Thursday night I was happy to receive an out of town visitor in the form of one of my favorite rope artists, CharlyB, from Los Angeles!  He was here through the weekend and of course that was cause for serious celebration! So, Friday night I hosted a party here, I thought it might be a good idea to piss the neighbors off a little before my departure at the end of the month.  Happy Holidays you bunch of short sighted, narrow minded, bitches.

The renovations on the new Studio are well underway.  It’s been amazing the activity out at the new live/work space, every day different folks from the community have been turning up to pitch in to raise a few walls, pull electrical lines, hang drywall and prep for painting.  Even I’m rolling up my sleeves and pitching in!  Friday afternoon I started the demo on the bathroom and today I helped to hang some drywall.  I think I managed to get a little mud on the walls, though I’m pretty sure I got more of it on me than the walls.  I plan to be out there helping when I don’t have sessions here.

Monday, the painting will begin and it looks like we have a few folks lined up to come and start helping.  Many hands make for light work… I’m incredibly thankful for my friends, old and new, who have given so much of their time and talent as this project pushes on.   I had a budget that I hoped to keep to, but it didn’t take long to to burn through that.  For example, I really hate the bathroom, is is seriously gross and I knew there was no way I’d be happy trying to make it livable.  In particular, the shower… it is just not suitable for any sort of piss play, being it’s a one person stall.  I’m pulling it out and putting in a HUGE walk in that will be the perfect size.   I’d be thrilled to have your capable hands or, if you’d prefer, you can pitch in with a gift card for Home Depot, Lowe’s or a GreenDot MoneyPak refill to offset the cost of renovations.

Progress!

Where have I been?  In a word: BUSY!

After DomCon my calendar filled up with sessions, presentations, a heavy travel schedule and some happy, unexpected, surprises.

And, then, one not so happy unexpected surprise.  I lost the lease on my current studio space.  As it turns out, there is a gaggle of middle aged women in my building who decided that I wasn’t the sort of person they wanted living/working here.  As a result of their meddling, I lost my lease to a little known, seldom enforced, bylaw in the association rules.   After a heavy two week travel schedule, I returned to Atlanta to begin the search for a new place to call home and relocate Second Circle Studio.

Last week, I’m relived to report, I found it.! Just 2 miles from my current space, this old factory is now an active artist community situated on 12 acres of property in what started out as a cotton gin in 1889 and was later used as a munitions plant during WWII.  It’s been recently acquired by pair of young, hip, developers who have a vision of a great artist community in West Midtown Atlanta.  The potential for the property is amazing.  They offer small, day use, spaces for artists as well as large, vast, live/work spaces such as mine.  Some of the old buildings will have to be rebuilt, others will need new roofs and still others are unsafe and will have to be completely dismantled and rebuilt.   They also offer large event spaces (I can’t wait until I host my first large play party there!), a community run coffee house that roasts its own coffee, an organic farm where one can purchase seasonal fruits and veggies and organic, fresh, free range eggs and best of all, an amazing backdrop & setting for photo shoots.

Today my project manager is on site and the renovations have begun.  We have a three week schedule to make the space work.  That includes building walls for the studio space, electrical work, renovating the bathroom, getting a washer/dryer hook-up, kitchen overhaul, painting, cleaning and most important, getting the studio set up!

I am incredibly blessed to be a part of a community of people that love, respect and support each other.  There are a number of wonderful men and women who have volunteered their time and talent to make this move as simple and easy as possible.  If you’d like to help, let me know.  I’d be thrilled to have your capable hands or, if you’d prefer, you can pitch in with a gift card for Home Depot, Lowe’s or a GreenDot MoneyPak refill to offset the cost of renovations.

I will be updating on the progress and posting photos here.   Sometime in Late January or early February I will host an open house for the new space.

xoxox

Dea

The view from Second Circle Studio

As promised, here are my presentation notes for Urethral Sounds 101.  If you have any specific questions, please don’t hesitate to send me an email.

DomCon Atlanta 10/10/2009 1:30 / Chardonnay Room

Let’s get started

Sounds sets come in a couple of varieties, for beginners, I recommend Rosebuds and Dittles sets.  When you are completely confident in your use of those, you can graduate to Pratts.  They cost about $90 a set.

Sterilization v Sanitation and/or Disinfection

Disinfection:

Before and after use I recommend a cold soak, I use Bio-Tool, it’s cheap, and it’s effective. It kills down to the TB, HIV virus.  As well as being effective, and cheap, it’s environmentally friendly.

You can also use a 10% solution of chlorine bleach with the same effect.

Cavicide is a product made for hospital use as a surface disinfectant decontaminant cleaner. It’s bactericidal, virucidal, fungicidal, tuberculocidal, and more. After wiping it on, I leave it sit for around 10 to 15 minutes, and then bathe the sounds in warm water to remove the Cavicide. Usually two or more turnovers of the water just to be on the safe side.

Boiling for the recommended 20 minutes is considered a high degree of disinfection but still not sterilization.

If  the sounds set you are using is meant for one person only, sanitation/disinfection is typically sufficient for a single person use, but to be on the safe side, true sterilization is your best bet.

Sterilization:

After disinfecting/sanitizing, place sounds in a Peel Pac, place in a pressure cooker on a rack, about an inch of distilled water in the bottom and pressure cook for 12-15 minutes. Allow the pressure cooker to cool completely.  Remove the Peel Pac and place on a rack to dry.  It’s okay that they are a little wet, they will dry.  Check the indicator on the peel pack, it will change to ensure you have appropriately sterilized your toys.  This process also works for other toys such as speculums, or other surgical stainless toys

Use of an autoclave is also a preferred method for sterilization.  There are many kink friendly piercers that may agree to run your sounds through if you provide your own Peel Pac.

Once sterilized there is no need to remove them from the peel pack, so long as they remain sealed, they will remain sterile.  Don’t return them to the case, and don’t open them until you’re ready to use them

Getting Started:

Thoroughly wash your hands and fingernails using a nail brush and an antibacterial hand soap.  You can also use Betodyne.  Pat hands dry with a clean towel and put on your sterile exam gloves. I typically avoid latex gloves since some people have latex allergies.  Get your equipment together.

Sterile Sugilube

Polysporin

Sterile 4×4 gauze pads

Chux

Betodyne

Sounds set, still in its Peel Pac

Make sure your sub is freshly showered and has emptied his bladder.

Once everything is together, prepare the cock with a disinfecting towelette or Betodyne solution and change your gloves to a fresh, sterile pair.

Now you can open your Peel Pac!

Anatomy:

Palpate the base of the cock and find the urethral valve at the opening of the prostate.  For beginning sounds play, you don’t want to go beyond this point.

Technique:

Support the cock with your ‘wrong’ hand, thumb positioned at the base at the valve, you want to keep track of this spot, forefinger a few inches above three fingers supporting the other side.  The goal here is to keep the cock upright.  It’s not necessary for the sub to have an erection, it’s a great sensation either way.

Run the first inch or so through the Polysporin then through the Surgilube.  Introduce it to the urethral opening, holding it perpendicular to the cock. NEVER push or force the sounds, let gravity do its thing.  You can usually feel it slowly sinking in.  When you feel it reach the base you can use your thumb to prevent it from going further.  You can slowly extract it  and let it fall again.  When your sub is ready, graduate to the next size and repeat.

This is a process of stretching the urethra.  Go slow, there is no rush.  Check in often with your sub, find out how he’s doing.  The amazing thing about sounds ans stretching is that the urethra will return to normal after a few days and it’s will be more receptive to further stretching in subsequent sounding sessions.  Again, SLOW is what it’s all about.  Sounding sessions are typically long and drawn out and should never be rushed.

Aftercare:

I recommend that you have your sub abstain from alcohol for at least 24 hours following s sounding session.  Water intake should be about 8-12oz an hour for the next 4-6 hours.  I give my subs cranberry tablets to take for the couple of days.  I’ve never had a sub report back to me that he contracted a UTI following a session and most, if they follow my recommendations report little to no burning with urination in the 24 hours following the session.

Resources:

http://www.boothmed.com/

http://www.imed.com/

http://fetclinic.com/

I really enjoyed this well attended class. please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have specific questions or would like to purchase a sounds set.

Dea

As promised, here are my presentation notes for Anatomy & Safety 101.  If you have any specific questions, please don’t hesitate to send me an email.

DomCon Atlanta

10/9/2009 11:30 / Chardonnay Room

Let’s get started

Introduction:

This is a “101” style class, so much of what I’ll cover here today many of you will already be familiar with, but for those just getting started in the lifestyle, it may be new and valuable information.  In any case, I know there is something for everyone, no matter your experience or sill level.

Before You Play

Talk to Your Partner

• Find out what he/she is into.  BDSM isn’t always about pain, not everyone is into the pain aspects of play. Understand his/her desires of play and set goals for your scene.

Talk About Health Issues

These issues should not preclude you from playing, but may determine how you play.

• High Blood Pressure
• Heart Problems
• Circulatory Issues
• HIV/AIDS
• Hepatitis
• Herpes
• Breathing Issues/Asthma
• Diabetes / Hypoglycemia
• Joint Problems
• Allergies to Latex, Grasses, Perfumes, etc
• Epilepsy or other Seizure Disorders
• Back Problems
• Emotional Problems/Prior Trauma or other triggers (ex, paddles and crops previously used only for punishments will likely make a scene less enjoyable)
• Current Medications / some medications can cause one to bruise more easily or deeply than intended, blood thinners can also have this effect, causing a clot to form and throw up to a week later.

Be Prepared

These are items I recommend you have readily available during play:

• Safety/EMT scissors or seatbelt cutter, capable of cutting though rope or leather.
• Water for you and you partner, BDSM play is thirsty work.  You might even consider a straw, if your partner is bound it will make it easier to have a sip
• Basic First Aid knowledge.  Buy and study a first aid book.  Keep a basic first aid kit in your play space or traveling toy bag.
• Keep a phone nearby just in case something happens you can’t manage on your own (discuss when to and when not to call 911.  recommend having the number for the nearest hospital on hand.  911 calls are recorded, calls to hospital ER are not)
• SAFE WORDS! A large part of BDSM play is role play, pushing boundaries and power/pain exchanges.  Choose a word that won’t typically come up in play, or stick to the standard “Yellow, I need you to back off a bit and give me a five count” or “Red, you’ve exceeded my limits and this scene is over”.  If your partner is gagged and can’t speak, have him/her hold an item, such as ball or cat toy that they can drop or shake to signal a problem.  I use jingle bells in this situation.
• Towels.  These can be handy to mop up spilled water, drool or other leaking bodily fluids.
• Light Blanket or Bath Robe.  Many people get cold when a scene is winding down.  It’s nice to be able to wrap up.  For some, after a particularly heavy session they can be a little shocky.
• Food.  Often a light snack will be helpful in helping a bottom come back to reality. Avoid salty snacks in favor of fresh fruit, raw nuts, juice and hot tea.

Know and Understand Your Personal Limitations

• Understanding your personal skill level is key to safe play.  Don’t try something that you haven’t properly learned. Find someone that you trust and respect that you know possesses a certain skill set hat you want to learn and ask for their help.

Don’t Play Under the Influence

• This is self explanatory.  If you have been drinking or using drugs, when you’re high, you may not be capable of making the best decisions where safety is concerned.  Just don’t do it.

Sanitation/Sterilization/Disinfection

Bacteria become resistant if you use the same cleaner all the time.  It’s recommended that you switch out between at least three of these disinfectants to assure the bugs don’t develop a resistance.

• 10% chlorine bleach solution
• Cavicide Disinfecting Solution or Wipes
• Vionex Antiseptic Towelette
• Lysol Disinfecting Wipes
• Clorox Clean-Ups

Body Mapping

• Know and understand your partner’s body
• Identify key organ locations
• What to avoid during impact play / Neck, spine, kidneys, tailbone

Circulation & Nerves

• Identify blood flow and nerve bundles
• Use the “Squeeze test” squeeze your bottom’s hand, ask them to squeeze back.  Use this often during bondage to gage their circulation.
• Use the “two-finger” method for restraints, if you can’t get your fingers under the rope or restraint it’s probably too tight
• Test for circulation regularly during bondage, is his/her hand/foot getting cold to the touch? How is the color? Red is okay, purple is not
• Use the blanch test, when you press on your bottom’s bound limb does it turn and stay white for a prolonged period of time?
• Identify the location of nerve bundles in the extremities and avoid  tight bondage that will cause compression issues
• Avoid tight bondage across the chest, we want to keep our partners immobile, but breathing shouldn’t be a chore for him/her

After Play/After Care

• Bottoms often feel cold or become light-headed or dizzy after intense play.  I suggest keeping a light blanket of bath robe handy and making sure you have a comfortable place to relax and come back to earth.  Sips of cool water, juice or hot tea and a light snack of fresh fruit, and/or raw nuts can also help.
• Some bottoms experience a “bondage high” and may behave a little silly.  Keep an eye on him/her, offer physical as well as emotional support at this time.
• Often the effects of bondage, or intense play last more than a few hours, and sometimes even days.  Follow up with your sub/bottom, sometimes a call or an email is needed to make sure they are feeling well both physically and emotionally

It was a pleasure to meet you at DomCon.  Thank you for attending my class.   Feel free to email me with specific questions.

On Friday I had the pleasure and honor of recoding a podcast for FetLife.com called This Week in Kink. I was a guest along with BossBondage, FetLife.com founder John Baku and his co-host, tonja.   I have to say that I seriously enjoyed the conversation.  We covered some intriguing topics and there were a variety of opinions shared.   BossBondage later shared in an email he was really surprised he didn’t offend me, and after listening to the podcast last night, I can see why he thought he might have done so.  No worries Boss, I’m pretty thick skinned, no offense taken.

You can listen to This Week in Kink episode #9 here, and you can subscribe to future This Week in Kink podcasts on iTunes.

A few topic highlights:

• What would you do with a dry spell in your kinky life? (Yes, this was the perfect question for tonja, as of course she can relate.) I made quite a good suggestion here, in that perhaps broadening the scope of what we are looking for when it comes to play can definitely make the field a bit larger.  John & BossBondage give tonja a bit of a hard time about her personal dry spell and we make a plea at finding the perfect sadist for her at the end of the podcast.
• Stockholm Syndrome? BDSM? What would you think about a theory that links these two things together, when it comes to the dynamic between a dominant and submissive? We had a bit of a hard time really correlating the two. There are definitely some very strong difference between traumatic abuse (which may cause Stockholm Syndrome) and BDSM. Find out what we believe those are.
• Who are you sexually? Looking back at your sexual development, were there times where you found it really difficult to be comfortable expressing yourself? There were definitely times for each one of us, where we struggled. We discuss those times a bit here, and the progression since.  Some of my readers might be particularly interested in hearing about where my journey with BDSM started.
• Consent. There’s definitely more to that concept, than just acquiring it from the person you’re going to play with. And, it’s certainly is more than just what’s right and wrong. As some people say, it’s called informed consent – but what does that really mean and how can we practice it? And, is there a difference between consent in a relationship and consent in a scene? BossBondage talks on that and other things that he considers to be important on this subject.
• What is Female Supremacy, and how is it explored in what some see as being a valid fetish or kink? And, what do you see the difference as being between dominance and supremacy? I  talk a bit here about my experiences with both concepts and how I see them both being practiced in BDSM.  BossBondage thinks the whole idea is a bit ridiculous, and his point is valid too, if you are basing your greatness on something he says you have no control over. P.S? Don’t call him if you need a tire change.
• What are some of those illusions of sadism and masochism, that you’re constantly listening to come from those who don’t understand its application? Wow, you could almost apply this question to any part of BDSM and kink that people explore. What’s the number one things you hear from those who don’t really understand your kink?

I’m looking forward to participating in future podcasts for FetLife.com, This Week in Kink.  Many thanks again to John Baku & tonja for inviting me to join them in a wonderful conversation about BDSM and allowing me to share a little glimpse into my world.

Dea

Folsom Street Fair

This weekend marks an anniversary of sorts for me.  It was this weekend, 15 years ago that I first came to really understand that there was something more to the games I was playing in and out of the bedroom with my then husband.  We had been living somewhat of a D/s relationship, and playing BDSM games since we were first dating.  My family used to refer to me as a “ball buster” and acknowledged I definitely wore the pants in my marriage.  Of my then husband, they would say, “he worships the ground she walks on”.   Little did they know, it ran a quite a bit more deep than that.  In an age that information wasn’t readily available, I had little knowledge of female lead relationships and BDSM in general, but I sure knew how to manage my husband.  It was more often than not I tied him up in bed, made him wear my panties and saw to it that he managed the household chores to my satisfaction.  He was routinely punished for mistakes and I made him keep a calendar of all is transgressions so when I took him over my knee on Saturday night he knew exactly why he was being spanked.  We didn’t talk about these things with the other couples we kept company with, and before the internet, we really felt we were on an island, alone in they way we interacted in our relationship.

Then, on a trip to San Francisco late in September of 1994, we decided to take in the Folsom Street Fair.  We had no idea what it was about, but the moment we arrived I felt it was a homecoming.  THESE were my people!  It was a very profound moment for me, to have the understanding that what I was doing at home, with my husband, was a natural extension of who I was at my very core.  I was a sponge, collecting leaflets, handouts, toys, books and ideas.  Though I had been practicing D/s and a form of BDSM since 1987, it wasn’t until Folsom Street that I really started to embrace and come to an understanding of what that really meant.  It was from that springboard Domina Dea was born.

Happy Anniversary, indeed!

Tie by Tat, sassy bamboo bound, photo by Peter Belvin

I’m still riding the high from the Open House & Photography Exhibit for Peter Belvin.  We had a wonderful turn out, in spite of the heavy rain that brought subsequent floods to much of our part of the state.  Peter was happy to talk about what moves and inspires him to create his amazing images, I truly ejoy listening to him talk about his method.  And having him shoot you is an event you need to experience first hand.

Following the open house, I hosted a play party that involved some beautiful rope suspension scenes and  some great bondage scenes using the cross, bondage chair and the various hitching points in the studio were works of art on their own!   The energy was amazing, the company even better and one gorgeous, mocha,  girl went home with some lovely trophies compliments of my SO, grimjacx and myself.  I also had the pleasure of introducing rope bondage to a beautiful woman who came out with her husband to her first ever BDSM event.

Thursday night was the rope event featuring Lee Harrington.  I can’t begin to tell you how exquisite it was to watch him in action.  He presented two performance art pieces that left me completely breathless!  Artemis Hunter, with Ginger Myrrh presenedt a great choreographed piece with the assistance of a volunteer from the audience and Sadistic Rope practitioner Tat, along with his submissive, sassy, gave his first ever performance art piece that had the room spinning.  It was so incredibly sexy, it made me wet.

Following the performances, there was a Q&A in which the presenters were able to share with us thoughts about their methods, passion, safety and what moves them to do what they do.  It was a wonderful night.  My sincere thanks to Artemis Hunter for organizing this incredible

Presented by Artemis Hunter

General info

Description

Event Schedule:

• 6:30pm – Doors swing open and the community gathers, shaking off the mundanities of the day.
• 7:00pm – 8:00pm – Rope Artists, including Ozgolith, will be tossing ropes on models in a “Walk About” rope fashion show.
• 8:00pm sharp – Rope Performance Art Show Starts

o Two energetic performances by Lee Harrington
o Sensual and sadistic performance by Tat and sassy
o Audience interactive choreographed rope performance by Artemis Hunter and Ginger Myrrh

• 9:00pm – 10:00pm – Performer Q&A – This is an opportunistic time to folks to ask experienced BDSM rope riggers questions about this kind of play.  Lee Harrington brings a “not-from-around-here” perspective that is infectious.
• 10:00pm – 11:30pm – Time to socialize and rub up against rope friends

Lee Harrington, an inspiring rope artist and educator based in Pheonix, Arizona, will be in town and graciously offered to share 2 rope performances for the Atlanta Rope Community.  We are very excited to create a time and space in which to share with him some rope magic.

Tat and sassy have something steamy to share.  Come see what happens when rope laced testosterone smacks up against a willing woman.  Artemis Hunter and Ginger Myrrh, Knot Guilty’s own home grown talent, will be on hand presenting an audience participation piece full of action and color.  Come spend an evening witnessing rope art in action!

There will also be an animated visual slide, shown presentation shown on the big screen, highlighting rope art by those represented.

Non-alcoholic beverages and high quality desserts will also be there to be enjoyed.  (High quality, in this context, means that it is body-smear/body-eat worthy.)

Though this event does not include a sponsored play party, the Little Wings dungeon will be open. The space includes:

• St. Andrews Cross

• Spanking bench

• Two overhead points

• There are lockers for your valuables, bring your own padlock

• Little Wings also offers private and group bedding arrangements for the enjoyment of its patrons.

Event Sponsor: Domina Dea

Catch more of Lee Harrington in Atlanta at Southern Bash Sept 25^th -27^th.

Fetlife Announcement Link: http://fetlife.com/events/6174

Fun Group of Atlanta Based Rope Art Enthusiast: www.knotguilty.org